Listaway errands7/13/2023 Many of us are much better at offering assistance than at accepting it, and our instinct may be to reject offers that actually could be helpful. Once the list has been made, you are faced with the next challenge: how to ask for and accept help. You may decide that a particular friendship is or is not worth the risk.Ĭlearly one of the reasons for suggesting this list is to encourage people to think about all of their possible “human resources.” They may be found in different parts of our lives: family, friends who are nearby, friends who are geographically distant, acquaintances, neighbors, co-workers, employers, people who attend the same church or synagogue, etc. Even understanding that your old friend may have vanished because she was too frightened by your diagnosis or too hurt by another cancer loss in her life does not make it easy. It feels risky to reach out to a friend who has disappointed you and share your perspective. At the far end of the experience, there will be time to consider these relationships and decide if it is worth trying to mend some that have been damaged.Īs is always true, there is not a clear right or wrong answer here. Some of the people whom we expected to be close and faithful will not be, while others may step up in a surprising and wonderful way.Įveryone has some relationships that are changed, for better or for worse, by cancer. Inevitably, we make some guesses that turn out not to be right. I encourage people to do this and then to put the list away and look at it a year later. It is always instructive to make a list, either literally or figuratively, of whom you think will be helpful through cancer. The real risk in those situations is that others may assume that the spouse is right there being helpful and may not offer what they might for a single friend. For example, I have known a number of married people whose spouses were the opposite of reliable and helpful. I have learned never to make assumptions about whom they can rely upon for ongoing support. Whenever I talk with someone who is entering Cancer World, I ask about the people and connections in their lives. If there were a required introductory course for newly diagnosed cancer patients, it ought to be something like “Cancer Human Resources 101”. Cancer certainly qualifies as a people-needing time. We always need each other, but we need one another even more than usual when faced with a crisis. All of us understand the importance of our relationships.
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